Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Losing a Loved One!

25 Best Grief Quotes To Share With Someone Dealing With The Loss Of A Loved One | YourTango

So I debated on writing this for a while, but I think there has to be something for grief. Our grief shows us that we are still alive.  However, one thing that we are never told is grief no longer how long the person we lost is gone, does not fade away. I wish people would be honest and just admit that losing someone you love and care about is hard. It's a gut wrenching feeling that hurts you both emotionally, physically and spiritually for a long time.

I mention this because eight years ago today I lost my Grams.  This woman kept me safe from the monster of the world. She was not afraid to tell me that there are secrets in my family and that I do matter.  She taught me more about life than anyone else and the pain I feel is a harsh reminder that I will never see her again.  I finally had to remove her contact from my phone because I would try calling her up till a few months ago.

Through the pain and grief you do eventually wake to a new type of life. I have learned to channel my grief to make it through. The pain does lift until you have days that are harsh reminders. But even on these days, it's okay to cry. It's okay to curse everything around you while you deal with your grief. It's okay to feel what you feel. Surround yourself with the ones you love. Shed the tears that you try to hold in and just be.


Tuesday, July 9, 2019

A Crazy Adventure

So I have been back to sporadic postings again and I am truly sorry.  To be honest, my life has been completely upside down. I think it's time to be honest about what's going on because there are going to be  few related posts pertaining to some of my life coming up soon that might not be too bright and cheery!

First and foremost, I love my blog and the people I have come to know along the way. However, life is a funny thing and when you think something good is happening you can actually have your soul crushed. So let's get the truth out there.

I am losing my home. When I had lost my job back in January 2018 my ex was paying the mortgage plus some bills and I was paying for food, some utilities and the children's expenses. I never even saw a mortgage bill. Well, I still paid my bills as I had severance and unemployment. I had since found a job and was waiting for training to start. I had stuck extra money away and had picked up odd jobs so when unemployment ended, I would be able to keep financially until I went through training and started my job. Well mid October I received a letter from the mortgage company, we were almost six months behind on our mortgage. My ex had stopped paying the mortgage and never bothered to tell me. When I confronted him about why he hasn't paid it, he said to teach me a lesson. WHAT!!! I asked what lesson? I never got a real answer. I am currently working with the lawyer's office handling the foreclosure to get an extension and cash for keys so I can get the kids into a place locally that we can afford. Or else I am gonna have to move out of the county and I really do not want to do that, especially since Sarah is in the culinary arts program at her high school. 

I have thankfully found a job which I can work from home! I do customer service and work as an independent contractor. This is great as my anxiety is through the roof and it's hard to even go food shopping.  I have also started doing more online freelancing because I am trying to be the best me possible and support my kids.

Speaking of anxiety! Mine has been horrible to the point were my nights are more tossing and turning than sleeping.  Before I lost my medical insurance, my doctor had suggested possibly being seen by a disability doctor because my anxiety can be debilitating and he was afraid I would have an attack at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But Angie what about the EX? Yeah, no he is definitely an EX which makes me sad because once upon a time he was my best friend and not only did I lose my husband I also lost my best friend. This week would have been our 20 year wedding anniversary. He has decided to have a relationship with a child and when I mean child the girl is the same age as my oldest. He has been busted, he knows it and he still denies the relationship with her. She can have him! I do however feel bad for her because she is with someone that cannot even man up now that he is busted for cheating again and say yeah we are dating. As I am the second spouse, he is divorcing along with other failed relationships he has yet to look in the mirror and think wow maybe its me not them. But that's on him not me.

As the craziness continue in the next few months I have the insanity of packing up not only my home of twenty years but also packing up my resale and crafting business. As the weather continues to cause rain and high heat that triggers my heat sickness, I am trying to pack my storage and workshop up. It has been a battle, but I will get through this as best as I can. 

My priority is first and foremost, my kids in this whole mess. It's been so hard getting through this and we know there will be a lot of sacrifices but we will be okay. I am trying to keep my promise to continue adding new content, however, life has a funny way of getting in the way of doing what one wants to do.





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