What does that mean for the blog? Well, a super delayed time frame with posts and some things going away. As I have mentioned before, I am going through a divorce. My son and I are moving about thirty min from where we live now. I am super excited and also super nervous as this is my first move in 19 years. So please have patience as we move to our new location! This is a big step for me and my kids.
So time to speak my mind! Be ready to be offended! However, I think people take the challenge as matchmaker a little too seriously. Now do not get me wrong, I might have chosen wrong for myself, however, my setup rate for others was pretty damn good. I just did one thing that most people who want to play matchmaker never stop to consider. Is the person I am trying to set up ready for a relationship? Or more importantly, do they want to enter the dating pool again? Dating is scary.
Why might I be taking a stand on this subject? Funny you should ask. I was informed a few times in the last few weeks that I should start dating. When I asked why, the answer made me laugh. Well, don't you think it's time you got back out there? Don't you want to be with someone. I saw red. I know I am not ready to date again. Is it because I am still in love with my soon to be ex-husband? Um, no. I would ask anyone who reads this that if I took that trip to stupid town to drag me back to sanity and slap the snot out of me.
Now I know that makes me sound mean. But see it from my point of view, I was foolish enough to allow a man who carried on an affair for two years back after begging me to to reconcile. The reconcile was short lived as he never stopped dating and wants a divorce so he can go public with a girl who is the same age as his oldest child. Disgusting. I am not going to be in a relationship to make others happy.
But after twenty, THAT'S right 20 years in a relationship I need to rediscover me. I need to put my puzzle back together and rediscover who I am. When people are pushed back into relationships too soon they forget who they are and what makes them tick. I am slowly discovering who I am again and what I like. For example, I love the fact that I am writing more and I am reading a bunch of new books. If time allows I am back to baking again. Crafting makes me happy! I love movies. My interest in the paranormal still is as strong as ever. I want to go cliff diving and hiking again. I love watching my son play on his video games and watching movies with my daughter. I don't need stuff. But there are things about relationships I discovered such as I want romance, but before that I want to be friends with the guy I am dating or wanting to date. I want a guy who will be okay if I want to do something by myself and I will be okay if my future guy wants to go camping or go away with his friends for the weekend, Because I want trust and honesty. I would have never discovered any of these things if I was in a relationship.
Now don't get me wrong. I know plenty of people who have started a relationship right after getting out of one and it's worked out great for them. But it should be everyone's personal choice and people should not push others because they feel it's that person's time to start dating. For me, it's almost like hearing "You are not allowed to be happy unless you're in a relationship" and that's not right.
So instead of pushing your friend into something have a girls night or guys night out! Go on a friend date where you can talk and have fun and know that being there for them is more important than pushing them into a relationship they might regret!
That's right ladies and gentleman this is your reminder on the importance of self care. You know, in case the people in the back can't hear me. That being said I do need to state that I am not a professional. I just have many years experience in the art of not doing self care and the journey I had to take to realize the importance. So shall we begin? Okay, good grab a cup of tea and let's get started!
Yes, as a mom you are going to feel guilt anytime you try to do anything for yourself. Guess what that is normal, but believe me it will be worth it. If you have a partner in your life they can help a bit so you can better yourself. If you're a single mom like I am then there are ways around this. When my kids were little any time I had to do self care was once the kids were asleep. My ex never helped with the kids so I made time after I knew they would be sleeping. Guess what everyone this is important for you to hear, The dishes and laundry can wait. That's right, you are more important. I had it berated into me for such a long time by Ex Mother-In-Law that I suffered through a bunch of young mom guilt. But then I was schooled by some amazing people that I needed to take care of myself for my kids. Once I started to realize my own self worth the guilt started to slowly go away.
The Different Types Of Self Care!
There are many ways for a mom to take care of themselves. Some people will laugh at some of them, but believe me I would not mention it unless it's important and have seen it help people. So shall we begin?
Getting Rid of the CLUTTER!!
Did you know that a mess and unorganized home can trigger anxiety and depression? It's true. This example I can attest to because that is how people who really love and pay attention to me know when I am struggling. Ladies, if you have a friend you feel is struggling help that girl out! I have visited friends and just did a sink of dishes or helped fold a basket of laundry. If you have a friend who just had a baby or has a bunch of little ones. Don't go over uninvited but text and say hey, let me come clean up for you! You will probably get that mom weeping tears of joy! Mom's who help each other are our best asset.
Get to Know Your Fellow Moms!
Getting to know your fellow moms and making friends is an important part of self care. You need people in your life who know what you're going through and are willing to listen.
I was recently told of a group of ladies who do female bonding by choosing one day a week and going to each others home while the kids are in school or camp and helping each other clean up. Can you imagine the love and compassion in this group. I asked how this worked and it was explained 1 mom had a van that can hold all 10 of these amazing ladies. They meet up and get a coffee before they start their day. They go house to house and clean up by dusting sweeping or mopping. Most houses take as little as 15-30 minutes between them. An since they all live locally to each other they can get a good clean working together.
I was also told this mom's group also does a huge meal prep session at a rented kitchen once every few months. They go shopping first thing on a Friday and cook together all weekend and come up with about 30 freezer meals each from soups to full meal prep bagged together for quick dinners. As the meals are finished, they are put in boxes with everyone's family name on it. I asked what about people who are picky eaters? I was told no one is picky during this as they decide via email what meals to prep during this time, so they can gather a shopping list and every family contributes. I was shocked by how well they work together. She said for them spending that time together helps them as moms vent and learn new things. Since their group is small they get to have a great time. Plus free up some time so they can be with their families more!.
Having You Time!
Having time alone is an important thing. Here are some examples of how mom's I have spoken to take their alone time to the next level! Sorry I do not mention names as I like to give privacy to the ladies I talk to! Below is a list of what moms do to get their fun time. Some are quoted some are examples.
"I take a book, a cup of coffee and drives to the local boat dock. There is a breeze most of the time and I just reclines my seat and reads for an hour. It's the perfect me time. **
"I go to the gym and work out for a while!"
"I go thrift store shopping and look for great deals! Some people laugh at me, but I up-cycle things for shows and resale and I enjoy finding new treasures to do this. Plus, once in a while I find items on the cheap that I resale for a great profit!"
"I take long walks while listening to music!"
"As much as I love my family I got the movie pass and go and see a movie once a week by myself. I do not care if its an old or new movie I just chill out and watch the screen. I have even fallen asleep during the movie and took a nap!"
"Go out to eat by myself! I try the restaurants that no one wants to go to!"
Taking Care Of Yourself!
Ladies you need to take care of yourself! Get in that shower, Pluck those eyebrows, Dye that hair if you feel so inclined. If you don't feel good about yourself, how are you to stay positive and be a better mom. So what does that mean if you have a handful of rug rats running around? Well, it might mean that you are going to have to take care of yourself once they are in bed. Or trade babysitting with another mom who is in the same situation! Don't be afraid to say listen I need a few hours to take care of myself. Most moms are in the same situation. Or if you want, hire a local sitter and go get it done professionally. The most important thing is you need to take care of you. Mama's do not include this in your you time. If you have a spouse or a partner at home, I am guessing they get to shower peacefully so you should be able to too! Working Out!
First and foremost, this is not me saying moms are overweight or unhealthy. Mom's need to physically take care of themselves to be these best you you can be! Working out has proven benefits to ward off anxiety and depression. I am not saying get a gym membership! Personally, I take 5 mile walks as often as I can. Because of my walking I have lost 60 pounds and it has helped my overall outlook in life. It also gives me time to just chill out and not think.
Lovey Lovey Time!
Let me state first and foremost, I am no sexual health expert. However, ladies, you need to take care of yourself in this area as well. If you embarrass easily go ahead and skip to the next section I am the odd ball who is a bit old fashion and believes that sex should be in a committed relationship. That being said, men are not the only people who have a sex drive. Ladies you need to take care of yourself in this area! You need to learn your body, What you like and dislike because you need to know what pleases you or how will you be able to share this with your partner!
Well, that's about it for now all! I am sure I missed a whole bunch of subjects and side topics I could have touched upon! If you feel I did please feel free to comment below. Mom's you are not just a by product of having a child. You are strength, love, beauty and a goddess!
So I was talking to someone earlier this week and we discovered that although I knew a lot about that person. That person felt awful they did not know as much about me! So we decided to share one of those questionnaires that are made to ask you random stuff so people can get to know you. So today is the day you get to know me! Please remember my filter is off with these answers.
What was your favorite food when you were a child? My favorite food was and still is cheeseburgers. But let me clarify this I am speaking a good ole diner cheeseburger. Best cheeseburger I ever had was at a mom and pop store/gas station near the Ozarks. I can not remember the name of the place, but OMG it was so yummy.
What’s the #1 most played song on your music list? Bring Me to Life- Evanescence, The song speaks to me
What is one of your favorite quotes? "Don't consider my kindness as a weakness, the beast inside me is sleeping not dead" or "Throw me to the wolves and I will come back to lead the pack"
What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? Reading! I always have something to read.
What chore do you absolutely hate doing? Dusting. I have to use my vacuum because dusting sets me on a sneezing fit!
What is your favorite form of exercise? I love walking! Great way to lose weight, relax and its amazing how much you can multitask.
What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? My favorite day of the week is Sunday as it is right before the start of a new week! New opportunities. My favorite month is October because its starts the whole string of holidays that I adore!
What’s your least favorite mode of transportation? I honestly do not have a a least favorite mode of transportation. I guess i can find things to do during any mode of transport.
What is your favorite body part? My favorite body part on anyone is the eyes. People can not hide the emotion in their eyes.
What sound do you love? My favorite sound is rain falling.
If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? I love having potlucks or dinner parties! People getting together sharing food and just having time together!
If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? The Ozark Mountains in the distance as the sun was setting. Absolutely breath taking.
If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be? I would say I wouldn't mind 37 years old. I have learned a lot of life lessons by this age and I want these lessons in my life.
If you knew the world was ending in 2012, what would you do differently? Nothing the events in my life made me who I am now. I am a much stronger person now.
If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? My Grandmother was my mentor and I miss her so much. She taught me so much.
If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? I would want to go back to Roanoke and see what caused the colony to disappear.
If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? Everything. I never want to stop learning.
If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be? I want to finally finish my novel I have been working on for over a year. Then get started on writing my next book.
If you were immortal for a day, what would you do? Go to Chernobyl and walk through taking amazing pictures.
If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't, I like my name!
If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet? Tesla, because he was brilliant and arrogant.
If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Buy a house to remodel. Preferably haunted.
If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be? I would want to come back as a wolf or a giant sea creature so I can go to the bottom of the ocean.
If you could know the answer to any question, besides “What is the meaning of life?”, what would it be? Which religion is right or are they all right?
If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? Scarlet Ohara
Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? I don't!
What do you want to be when you grow up? A writer or a professional storyteller. Not an actor, but a storyteller, a huge difference.
When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? I love to read and write or depending on my day power nap!
What would you name the autobiography of your life? Are You Freaking Kidding Me
What songs are included on the soundtrack to your life? Highway to Hell, Hotel California
Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad, but it turned out to be for the best? The marriage falling apart. But now that it's over I know its for the best as I deserve someone who loves me and wants to be with me. Not tolerates me because it's convenient.
What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? I went to an event on a historic estate where I was able to be a wall flower because my anxiety flares in public places
What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? I try to avoid sad things. I have other reasons to cry,
What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Accepting the person I had loved for half my life wants nothing more than to throw me away.
What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Finding out I had been replaced by a younger and newer model.
What did you do while growing up that got you into trouble? My smart mouth.
When was the last time you had an amazing meal? A very long time. I am kinda sick of my own cooking.
What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? I love homemade gifts. I like thing's that are made with thought and care. The worst gift was a bottle of lotion from my ex that was his girlfriends favorite scent not mine. I tossed it out in the garbage right away. Which sucked because it was Bath and Body Works.
What do you miss most about being a kid? Being able to talk to my Grandma whenever I could.
What is your first memory of being really excited? My first memory of being really excited was escaping my parents and going to spend a few weeks with my Grandparents
What was the first thing you bought with your own money? A notebook to write my stories in.
When was the last time you were nervous? Every day! Anxiety stresses me so bad my nerves are always on edge.
What is something you learned in the last week? I learned people like to judge and misinterpret what you say and calls you out instead of asking what you meant.
What story does your family always say about you? That I made too many mistakes.
At what age did you become an adult? When I was 12 and I had my first babysitting job. Then my parents taking all of it because my siblings wanted stuff and they didn't have any extra money.
Is a picture worth a thousand words? Elaborate. A picture can make you wonder and everyone can look at a picture and come up with different stories. So yes a picture can be worth a thousand words.
Where’s Waldo? Hiding away from the crazy!
The best part of waking up is? Knowing I have another day for an adventure.
How now brown cow? NO
Wassup? Hey all, if you liked this go ahead copy and paste and share in the comments section below!
So that's a little bit more about me and what makes me ME! So, wanna share, What makes you tick?
So I debated on writing this for a while, but I think there has to be something for grief. Our grief shows us that we are still alive. However, one thing that we are never told is grief no longer how long the person we lost is gone, does not fade away. I wish people would be honest and just admit that losing someone you love and care about is hard. It's a gut wrenching feeling that hurts you both emotionally, physically and spiritually for a long time.
I mention this because eight years ago today I lost my Grams. This woman kept me safe from the monster of the world. She was not afraid to tell me that there are secrets in my family and that I do matter. She taught me more about life than anyone else and the pain I feel is a harsh reminder that I will never see her again. I finally had to remove her contact from my phone because I would try calling her up till a few months ago.
Through the pain and grief you do eventually wake to a new type of life. I have learned to channel my grief to make it through. The pain does lift until you have days that are harsh reminders. But even on these days, it's okay to cry. It's okay to curse everything around you while you deal with your grief. It's okay to feel what you feel. Surround yourself with the ones you love. Shed the tears that you try to hold in and just be.
So I have been back to sporadic postings again and I am truly sorry. To be honest, my life has been completely upside down. I think it's time to be honest about what's going on because there are going to be few related posts pertaining to some of my life coming up soon that might not be too bright and cheery!
First and foremost, I love my blog and the people I have come to know along the way. However, life is a funny thing and when you think something good is happening you can actually have your soul crushed. So let's get the truth out there.
I am losing my home. When I had lost my job back in January 2018 my ex was paying the mortgage plus some bills and I was paying for food, some utilities and the children's expenses. I never even saw a mortgage bill. Well, I still paid my bills as I had severance and unemployment. I had since found a job and was waiting for training to start. I had stuck extra money away and had picked up odd jobs so when unemployment ended, I would be able to keep financially until I went through training and started my job. Well mid October I received a letter from the mortgage company, we were almost six months behind on our mortgage. My ex had stopped paying the mortgage and never bothered to tell me. When I confronted him about why he hasn't paid it, he said to teach me a lesson. WHAT!!! I asked what lesson? I never got a real answer. I am currently working with the lawyer's office handling the foreclosure to get an extension and cash for keys so I can get the kids into a place locally that we can afford. Or else I am gonna have to move out of the county and I really do not want to do that, especially since Sarah is in the culinary arts program at her high school.
I have thankfully found a job which I can work from home! I do customer service and work as an independent contractor. This is great as my anxiety is through the roof and it's hard to even go food shopping. I have also started doing more online freelancing because I am trying to be the best me possible and support my kids.
Speaking of anxiety! Mine has been horrible to the point were my nights are more tossing and turning than sleeping. Before I lost my medical insurance, my doctor had suggested possibly being seen by a disability doctor because my anxiety can be debilitating and he was afraid I would have an attack at the wrong place at the wrong time.
But Angie what about the EX? Yeah, no he is definitely an EX which makes me sad because once upon a time he was my best friend and not only did I lose my husband I also lost my best friend. This week would have been our 20 year wedding anniversary. He has decided to have a relationship with a child and when I mean child the girl is the same age as my oldest. He has been busted, he knows it and he still denies the relationship with her. She can have him! I do however feel bad for her because she is with someone that cannot even man up now that he is busted for cheating again and say yeah we are dating. As I am the second spouse, he is divorcing along with other failed relationships he has yet to look in the mirror and think wow maybe its me not them. But that's on him not me.
As the craziness continue in the next few months I have the insanity of packing up not only my home of twenty years but also packing up my resale and crafting business. As the weather continues to cause rain and high heat that triggers my heat sickness, I am trying to pack my storage and workshop up. It has been a battle, but I will get through this as best as I can.
My priority is first and foremost, my kids in this whole mess. It's been so hard getting through this and we know there will be a lot of sacrifices but we will be okay. I am trying to keep my promise to continue adding new content, however, life has a funny way of getting in the way of doing what one wants to do.