Good evening everyone, I am writing this as I sit in my room/office eating my dinner of a PB and J. Yes, there is plenty of food in the house, however, I fed the kids earlier and to be honest I just didn't want to cook tonight! Why? Well, I caught the awful bug going around and I have been miserable for almost seventy-two hours! Sparing you my battle I can eat a little bit again so I decided this was the extent of my cooking adventure tonight, although I have a crazy hankering for Mexican go figure!
But back to the topic at hand the last year's adventure! If you would have told me a year ago I would be in this place of my life I would have laughed at you and asked if you were running a fever! But my life was twisted into something I never thought it was going to be. It was the beginning of my rebirth!
I had faith in someone who took that faith and destroyed it... But you know what all he did was destroyed the illusion that he had put in front of me. This time almost a full year now I was given a world-shattering realization that I had been used and played/by the man I had given my heart too. That forced me real fast to look at him in a new light and realize after eighteen years of marriage everything I thought about him was a facade and I had a nervous breakdown. No, seriously, I ended up having a five-day vacation at a facility to help me deal with the emotional trauma I was shocked into. (Dr's words, not mine.) Since then I had to come to terms with something I had known for years and that was I was married to a Narcissist. But in doing so sprang a greater realization and that was I am going to be okay. I realized I didn't need him and I could be a mom without having to be a wife and he was not the end all in my world. That realization set me free... Kinda. Not going into that right now, but trust me, I am getting stronger now from everything that happened then.
After all of this happened I came to a major back to back life event that changed my world for the better. I became a Meemaw for the first time. All the crap that was going on and my oldest daughter and son-in-law had their first child. My life perspective hit real fast because there is this amazing little girl who unknowingly gave me a reason not to give up. Not that my kids were not a reason anyway, but I am a young Grandmother. I am only forty-one and I have this amazing Granddaughter who got all the best from both her mom and her dad and I another part of my heart flew open and welcomed her unconditionally!
Then in the end of January, I was given the pink slip after working for Sears for eleven and a half years. Cutbacks. But seriously, they just didn't want to pay for full-timers and dedicated employees. But I am thankful because the store I worked out was who could do what for who and with the exception of one or two managers it was who was the best buddy in there. I cried for about two seconds and then basically was like, 'forget this place I am better off'. I have since found a better job and have started building my blog and business up again and I am happier and don't have to worry about being punished because of my anxiety that sears caused. The only thing I miss is a handful of the people. Also, because of this, I was able to go meet my granddaughter for three weeks and see my oldest as they were living in Texas at the time. I have quite a few amazing memories and would like to go back one day and explore other parts of Texas as well.
The day I turned forty-one I realized that the next year will bring even more changes but I am ready for it. As long as I have my kids and pets I will be okay and I will be able to handle everything. I am a strong person and can do whatever I set my mind to and believe me it took a long while to get into this frame of mind. I want adventure and fun with my kids! I am a hopeless romantic and maybe I will find someone someday that will see me for who I really am instead of a person that they want to manipulate but I have faith that maybe one day! So my advice to you is I went through hell to get to a good spot and I believe that anyone can get to their good spot as well. That is my completely vague what happened in the last year post because to keep myself in the good spot I need to keep some things quiet for a bit longer. But it's okay because I am okay and I am making sure my kids are okay!
People always find it humorous that my favourite time of year is the fall! I get ribbing because people say the only reason I love the fall is because I dread the horrible Florida heat! I can understand the thought on that because we are a week from October and are still sitting in the mid nineties.
However, truth be told I just love everything fall. I mean besides the cooler temperatures there is the fabulous colors such as the oranges, browns and greens!
I would love nothing more than to take a walk in the woods or sit on the porch with a hot tea in my hand and a good book in my lap. This would also be a amazing time to paint the colors of the season.
Regardless there is always a good reason to like the fall. Everything from cooler temperatures to scents and smells from all fall related items. Enjoy it and know your lucky because in Florida we are still quite warm and will be like that till winter hits!!
So let me make this clear, I don't believe in diets. However, yes, as people know I am losing weight and keeping it off. What's this miracle that has kept me from gaining more weight? Well, for one I had to take a good hard look in the mirror and at the numbers on the scale that is conveniently hidden across the house. See I have been going through a huge rough spot in my life, my husband of now nineteen years decided that once again that I was not worth it and decided to throw away our marriage once again and in true Narcissist form blame me for everything. Well, guess what I decided to start reevaluating my life and after a lot of thought and self-reflection, I started waking up and coming out of what is known as the Narcissist influence cloud. Ladies as someone who has to deal with it in the daily grind I can tell you it's real and it affected me to the point I was a shadow of my former self. I had literally given up on anything and everything because of the influence I had pushed on me.
I hated what I saw and decided to change it! I looked at myself and saw someone who had given up all hope and cares about myself and then I decided to get on the scale. I had hit my highest weight ever at 280 pounds. I stepped off in a panic attack and cried, I couldn't believe that I had gotten that heavy. I looked in the mirror and I hated the person staring back at me. So I decided to make changes and I had to make sure that these changes were ones that I would be able to work with. I had never been on the diet train because I cannot and will not cut any foods out of my diet, but I realized I could do it all in moderation. I went back to my mini plate mentality and something I knew I could control I cut out 80percent of all soda I had been drinking and replaced it with half water and half sweet tea. If you ask why I didn't do unsweetened tea... I am not a heathen I am a southern gal who had to do this her way. Day three of the no soda train and I was suffering from withdrawals and a headache, but I kept with the water and Tea and two days later the headaches stopped and I made it through the first hurdle. The smaller plates meant I had to go from three full meals to four mini meals a day. I ate less, but it was spread out and I am full. My binge eating had almost stopped.
But the bad part is I like to snack. I decided this was something that would take time for me to battle, but I had a still have a plan. I started working on my third book and focusing more on my blog. Since doing this I have knocked out multiple chapters on not just my newest book, 'The Farm' but also started a few other ideas for books as well as a few You Tube ideas I am working on. The best thing is, my blog has built up from the work I have put into it and my books are getting ready for editing and self-publish.
Win-win right? Wrong! I was still very out of shape and decided I had to do something about it physically so I started to walk. Now I can hear people now, "Well, I have physical issues!" So do I. I have a bad knee and a bad ankle that I fractured a few years ago, so trust me I know about physical issues. But I got off my ass and started walking. A walk around the block is a third of a mile. I started with a mile and am now after a month up to almost four miles.
But fad diets are just that FADS. The Keto diet scares me! However, I have heard good and bad things about it! But the thing that I hear from all people who stop diets is that as soon as they stopped whatever diet they gained all the weight back. Why torture yourself?
I made a lifestyle change instead that has worked. I eat what I like, but I do eat mini meals. So I don't feel like I am missing out and I get the foods I like. But the walking has helped me so much because I am now officially down 22 pounds and I have certain areas on my body that are shrinking and tightening! I have noticed that my belly is shrinking as well as around my upper thighs! But most of all I see the person I want to be instead of a walking Zombie. Also, my anxiety and depression have lessened and I am so happy about that.
So do what you need to do is best for you because you are worth it and important!