Wednesday, August 22, 2018

MOMS NEED OTHER MOMS


That's right, I am saying it mom's you need other mom's! If you believe as a mom you don't need a fellow group of woman to talk to and help get you through the rough spots in life than I hope your rainbows and unicorns are fabulous. See I used to be one of those moms who did it all alone because I was forced to be alone in my world.  My life has always put me into situations that I have been better friends with guys than girls.  However, after I had my first baby what few male and female friends I had disappeared fast.  I felt like I was always an outsider looking in and till this day I still feel like that.  I will admit I am different I am the nerdy girl who loves Star Wars, Gaming and Ghost Hunting!  I am happy if I did nothing but bake and read all day. For some, that's a bit off-putting, but I have always accepted people for who they are, so I am not going to pretend about who I am.

For twenty years I struggled with being a mom and messed up more times than I can count.  Although my kids had a father, I was utterly alone in life when it came to my concerns as a mom and I felt I had no one to talk to.  I thought since I was a member of the church would help me and I came to a quick realization that the churches I had visited made me feel worse because of the stuff I did in life and what I believed in. I tried to stick it out partially because of the pressure from my ex-mother-in-law, but by the time my son was born those people from the church were worse than the girls who used to talk behind my back in high school.

Also, I do want to make something clear, I am not a great mom.  Sometimes I will say I am mediocre to crap mom at best. I screw up most of the time and I will admit I am probably the reason that my kids will need therapy and  I will probably be paying for therapy for my kids well into the future, but there is one thing that I won't deny and that is I love my children, son-in-law, and granddaughter fiercely. These seven individuals give me a lease on life that keeps me going every day and I would move mountains for all of them.  So no matter how much I have screwed up I have a clear conscience and can say I have tried all my life to be a mom.

However, personally, I was having a huge internal battle.  I had no help or emotional support at home and whenever I tried to do something that would benefit myself as a mom and a woman I was always met with harsh comments or criticisms. So what changed? I had a talk with a very special someone one night and she told me that it was not my job to make everyone happy and that I needed to follow my dreams and be happy. I think that she knew what I was going through even though she was suffering her own personal battle at the time and her encouragement gave me the strength to continue following my dreams.

Fast forward a bit and I started watching these amazing mom live streams. Then I started to follow a moms group two years ago and began meeting these fabulous, amazing moms who come from all backgrounds in life.  I finally can say for the first time since becoming a mom, I am feeling some acceptance and that is an amazingly empowering feeling to have. When we meet up online we can have what some would consider the most boring conversations, however, those 'boring' conversations run right into the conversations that have us laughing and crying depending on the topic.  These women who I have come to share with don't belittle or judge. They give us fellow moms a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear to hear our stories and problems.  But most of all, even though we are located all across the world we are a tribe.  We are a group of moms who cheer each other on in celebration and awe when a new baby is born. When the worst happens, we cry alongside those hurting and offer a hand to help or an ear to listen.  We are moms and we are the strongest tribe around.

I am hardly one to give advice, but since meeting all these amazing women my life has changed for the better.  Find someone! Look online for a local moms group in your area, or even find a moms group online. Be brave and introduce yourself to the mom standing alone at the bus stop. You never know that mom could be just as lost and alone as you and what does it hurt to try!

Much love everyone,

Angie

Saturday, August 4, 2018

ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY!

Happy August everyone and guess what that means?  That's right it's almost my birthday and it's all about me! Just kidding my birthday is never about me my plans for this year are literally to go back to school food shopping and work on the rest of the housework for the remainder of the day!  I even get the same gift every year from the school board and it's the gift of school starting within 2-3 days of my birthday.

What else does that mean for me and Mycrazylifeagain? Well,  A whole new life adventure of course!  Now that the kids are going to be back in school I need to do more to make money and support these amazing kids of mine.  So basically I am planning on freelancing from both inside and outside the home when the kids are back to school. I have a few leads for work and am actively pursuing them so the kids and I can have a more fulfilling and fun life.

Reflecting back the past year I can't believe how much my life has changed since my birthday.  Last year I was fed a bunch of false promises from the man that claims to be my soon to be ex-husband.  This year coming I am no longer thinking that those false promises are something I need or want. I am standing firm and saying I am going to make my own way! I am a strong independent woman who is working on living my life to the fullest and having a grand adventure with my kids! I was so worried about trying to save the failing marriage I lost sight of being an amazing mom instead of an eh mom. With that, I also lost myself in the process. My identity disappeared and I was broken. I am following a new path now.

But Angie how are you going to do this you might ask? Well, I am going to continue to do what everyone keeps telling me I can not do! So that means the blog will continue to have new updates! My writing will also have more updated and improved content coming soon. No more listening to the naysayer's and living my life the way I want.  As for being a mom I am putting what that has always meant for me into perspective and doing what I should have done in the first place. My babies are my world and the only people whose opinions matter to me.

As for me, well I am going back to taking care of myself. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I had let myself go. I am trying to take care of myself again. My weight ballooned because I ate my feelings.  I have now started dropping weight!  I started doing stuff I had put aside again such as craft and read. I used to read 2-3 books a week and I just stopped. The thought of not reading like I used to makes me so sad, but I am changing it.

Make sure you are signed up for notifications as there will be better posts and updates as the blog is freshened up and new things are added.

Much Love Everyone!
Angie