This is the first pin I found when I was looking on my Pinterest page this morning. This also leads back to a very private conversation I was having with a friend the other day after the full force of my impending divorce hit me. I have decided to be the crazy pet lady personally because after almost nineteen years of marriage the thought of going on a date again pretty much terrifies me. I would rather make my way through a demon-infested haunted house than even remotely consider the option of dating. Now I can hear a few people I know with the cricket sounds behind them because I am also a hopeless romantic... The struggle is real.
I know moms who have been shoved back into the dating world feel the same way as well. I mean first, let's go with the fact the last time I dated, I mean really dated I had just hit legal drinking age. Now fast forward 4 more kids later I have just now started working on a confident body image and my self-esteem. I mean after what I have been through, do I really want to even suggest to any brave soul who even has the courage to say hi to me "Hi my name is Angie I am a forty-one-year-old mess with a handful of kids, pets, and a granddaughter who is my heart and soul. Oh and at some point if you are brave enough to want to be in a relationship with me I have an Ex who has sworn to make sure my happiness is nothing and has done all he can to ruin my life." I think if I am not working or with my kids, I am just gonna let my imagination be my guide and write book after book to save my sanity instead of the stress of dating.
Now don't get me wrong I might hope one day I will find the "right one". But seriously now that I hit the forty-one-year-old mark my dating range has gone down a lot. I mean I don't want to date someone who is older than me and won't want to do stuff. I lived the hermit lifestyle for the first nineteen years of marriage and it is not fun people. I like to video game, hike, go to events, hell I like even having backyard BBQs with family and friends. I like to write and that is a passion for me to the point I am working daily on my blog and books to see if one day that could be a career for me. I am losing everything in my divorce and I will essentially be starting over with my babies. I have no future retirement or anything because I was stupid and in love once before. I don't want someone to fix my problems but to encourage me on as I am trying to fix them on my own. When it comes to my kids I have raised them pretty much solo because their dad sucked at being a dad and only now he is attempting to be a dad so when it comes to my kid's HANDS OFF.
I am a basket of contradiction in all honesty. I am scared. Of what you may ask? Being alone. It hit me the other night when I was sick to my stomach that I have not had anyone there for me in a very long time who cared enough to pull my hair back while I was getting sick. It made me sad to know that this is what my life has come to. To be this sad and alone with no one to tell me it will be okay.
But it will be okay. Why? Because I said so! I refuse to set an example for my kids to give up on love. I am not one to just be with someone because it's convenient. I want to be with someone who makes my heart flutter and gives me that wow feeling when I get a hug. Its out there ladies and one day I will find it and so will you.
Blessings and Love,