Sunday, September 2, 2018

A Honest Open Letter

When I write I try to be as transparent as possible. However, I have kept something back because of the fact that it hurts for me to talk about.  If you read my article below, then you know what it's like to be married to a Narcissist, however, I barely touched on how bad it really can be because, to be honest, I didn't want to have to live through everything again. It's bad though, and to the point, I am about to lose more than I already had. You see I used to work for sears holdings. I was a Lead (Manager) for their footwear department and then they got rid of the position and I was demoted back to a full-time associate and then on January 30th they did away with that position. Well, they gave severance and I qualified for unemployment and all during this time I have been looking for work. I  have put out close to 350 job applications for various types of jobs and some stay at home jobs as well. I now do some low pay freelancing and have worked on building up the blog. During this time my home life has disintegrated. All during the time I was getting severance I was still paying utilities and buying the essentials for the house.  When I went to unemployment I could only afford my medical insurance, cell, kids medical insurance and internet along with food and basics for the house. The man I am married to does not pay for food for the house. I found out recently what I expected was true and he has been having an affair with one of his co-workers.  It explained a lot. Like his late nights and his secret calls and he goes out mysteriously each night.  

I hate him for it.  He claims he tried to save our marriage, but it was all lies. I let him back home on a promise that he was different and he would be honest with me.  Nothing but lies. I have cried more in the last week than I did when we separated last time.  But I am not angry because I was stupid and let him back and I believed in him.  I am angry because he has manipulated and turned people against me like he promised he would. Right before he went to work he started a fight with me and said threw things up at me that he would have only known if my 18-year-old daughter told him. I told her things in confidence and she went behind my back and told him everything I said. Then when I messaged her to confront her about this she said everything was my fault and it was all about me. When he left me last time I did everything for my kids. He did nothing if he showed up to a game or an event it was all about making contacts and missed the events completely.  She said I became so self-involved about everything and the mess is my fault. I finally told her I loved her and if she needed anything to just call me and removed her off my messenger because I can't trust her.

My soon to be ex-husband told me that he is not paying the bills anymore unless he feels like it.  He told me today that maybe he should just move out now and see what happens. Okay!!! It won't be the first time he left me with things to deal with it won't be the last.  I feel like I am a shit mom right now because of all this. My son's birthday is the 5th and I have been told if my husband does anything with him I am not invited and I can't afford to do anything.  What my soon to be ex is doing is wrong and my kids deserve better. I am doing everything I can get my life together and move forward with my kids and pets away from him. The problem is I am the type I donate to charity, I do what I can to help out those in need but now I need help.

I hate to ask, but if anyone can help with my go fund me account listed here!
Most of all I am asking for hope, prayers and positive thoughts.

This article strayed from the main point, but listen you never know whats really going on with others until it's too late.  People who used to be friends, don't say anything to me at all anymore thanks to my soon to be ex-husband! I have been excluded from events in my own children's life because of this crap so if you see someone who is having issues if you can do nothing else at least open a loving and friendly ear.

Love and Blessings,

I wonder how long this had been happening before I became aware of it? And I was aware to some degree for years...

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