Friday, April 20, 2018

A Very Emotional Post

It's with a heavy heart that I have to even post this...

This post has been a very difficult thing for me to approach as most people know my Blog is an extension of me. A month ago we had a huge incident happen at our home that involved one of my children. To make things easier my husband had suggested that I go visit my oldest daughter, son-in-law, and Granddaughter who I had yet to meet. I jumped at the chance because I missed my oldest daughter and wanted to go meet my Granddaughter.  Well after I got there the phone calls to home got strange. Strange as in even calling my husband and saying hello we met with confrontation and me being yelled at. I refused to let it bother me as I wanted to make some awesome memories with my Daughter and her little family.

Still, in the back of my mind, I knew this was just the calm before the storm. Our marriage was far from perfect and I always fought to make things work.  During our marriage he was unfaithful and I forgave him multiple times.  I forgave him after he had a two-plus year affair. However, tigers do not change their strips and he treated me just like he did when he was having his last affair and left me before. I came back to Florida with him yelling at me because he couldn't find the TIA curbside pickup area. According to him, I was making the area up and there is no such place. Its funny though because a few years ago we picked him mom up in the exact spot.

While I was gone he had told me he wanted to save our marriage and start over again.  That had given me a small glimpse of hope that our marriage could possibly be saved. For all the people who really know me know I do not believe in divorce. I never have. I went into our marriage because I believed that anything could be fixed if we had a problem. Well, he does not feel the same way as me because he wants a divorce. He blames my anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder as part of the reason. Or as he says more efficiently I am nothing but a psycho &*%&*. Throw in every naughty word you can because trust me he has called me everything. I do admit I can be a bit crazy sometimes and emotional. I have always been led by my emotions and I do my best to keep them calm. 

The worse thing about this is he has manipulated my kids about the whole situation. He has my two older teens who live at home calling me every god awful name in the book. It's hard when your own children who you raised and supported when daddy wasn't there because he was playing dad to his girlfriend's family decide to treat you like your nothing but trash. I fear for my kids because I know my husband and as soon as he gets what he wants from the kids he will throw them away and I will be there to pick up the mess.

My problem is I do not do well in public anymore since I lost my job January 30th. I am trying to build up my resale business as well as freelancing. I am also currently trying to go back to school to have a small career instead of a job I hate. I know my husband is going to make this divorce as difficult as possible. I am trying to shield my 11 and 14 years old from as much as I can. I have had people ask what can they do? Pray for us. I don't care what religion you practice just send some prayers or positive thoughts our way because we will need them.


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