Saturday, March 10, 2018

Becoming Me

I have been thinking a lot about what my next blog post should be and to be honest with you it took me a bit of time to really come up with a post that I decided I had to do. So I guess hold on to your hats and beware this is going to be a bit of an honest and raw post so if you don't like hearing the truth you might not want to read this. However, I think for most of the moms and people out there that are at a crossroads in their life I hope that this post will help at least one person.  I already know that there will be unkind words and comments about the fact I am being selfish I shouldn't take that chance or put that kind of pressure on my husband. So let's begin, shall we... 

On January 30th I lost my full-time job. This job I was at for over 11 years and I actually liked the people I worked with more than the job as the job demanded way too much of their employees for minimum wage and there was definitely favoritism that ran in the store where I had been employed. When it comes to looking for a job though I am being selfish the last job took me from my children and family and I got lost in a constant pattern where when I had to go to my previous job I would cry every morning before I had to go.  I decided I would not do that again.

I am a Blogger,  a Crafter,  a Writer with 2 books now,  a Freelancer and a Small Business Owner! Now I have been thinking why can't I do what I enjoy with all of that and stay out of the corporate world.  Why can't I work from home and be a mom and a wife? Well, the answer is simple I have no one supporting me emotionally so I can do it. I have no one telling me I can do it or that they have faith in me, they just say you can't. You don't work you need to go find a job.

This has not helped my anxiety and depression or bipolar disorder.  I will admit I have been so discouraged since I lost my job that I have let my above issues take control of me more than I really wanted to admit from laying in bed, stopping my writing, putting my freelancing, crafting and small business on the back burner. There are some days I will take my teens and son to school and just go back to bed so I can avoid the day. I feel like I am in a losing battle where I just don't care most of the time.
This has led to my health acting up again. My weight is starting to go back up and my hernia is acting up again. I even have avoided being outside which means me neglecting to work more on my beloved garden and only just watering the plants that are already out there. My hair has huge grey patches and my eyebrows need to be done. I am a mess.

This morning while looking on Pinterest hiding in bed I came across this quote by accident as my kitten started swatting at my screen.  Then as Rambo swatted at my phone again the next quote came up.

 I sat and thought about both quotes and decided I needed to start listening and this was my wake up call.I have always tried to do what I needed to do and believe God has had a plan for me all along I just am not a great listener. To be very honest I have been weak. I want to be happy in my life and I want to do this. I am making my way with gods help and guidance.

So what did I do? I cried. Why because I am scared that everyone I love will stand against me. Then I started to pray and there my blue-grey little furball made some noise and directed my attention to my computer. There on the screen, I had left up last night was one of my freelance sites and on my split screen the Etsy account I have been fiddling with.  I calmed my tears and sat up and said okay I get the message. I started a hot shower and got my clothes out to start the day.  I slacked on some stuff today but I decided no matter what people say to me I have to have faith. So I am making myself a daily schedule so I can handle things the way they need to be handled and I can get my life to the point where I can be happy for myself and my family. So although I am afraid I am going to have the courage and my faith God is with me and that I will not let fear stop me.

As to the people that are saying no you can't do this well I have always had your backs and I love you. For eleven years I was unhappy and its time you all have faith in me so I can be brave and succeed.

My Love and Blessings to you all,

Angie

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